Secret Admirers - When the one you love doesn't know you do

Secret AdmirersA secret admirer is a person who has some affection for another person but who wishes to remain anonymous. There are two scenarios where a secret admirer shows up.

The person plans to reveal their identity eventually to the other person The person plans to keep their identity a secret forever

In either situation, you must be very careful and discreet. Unfortunately, there are people who have gone to extremes, have been labeled stalkers by the court and are now spending time in prison. A good rule of thumb is to stop your activity and identify yourself to the person if there are any signs of them being uncomfortable with your actions.

Now that the stalkers have left the room, let’s talk about secret admirers!

People that become secret admirers with no plans to reveal themselves usually have as their target of affection a family relative, favorite teacher or professor, neighbor or coworker. The person may just wish to tell them how much they respect them and honor their presence. Often, a card or note gets sent once a year on a special occasion, so it’s not very intrusive.

The other kind of secret admirer is one who has fallen head over heals for another person but can’t bring themselves to tell them. It’s easier for them to “sneak up” on their love interest to “test the waters”.

One way to start is with a simple note.  Nothing long. Maybe a line or two. Short and descriptive is important. Something to make them think, but not become uncomfortable. Don’t put too much in the note or they may guess who you are too soon. And don’t come across as if you are staring at them through binoculars throughout the day!

A couple of example notes would be:

“Your smile makes you glow. - Your Secret Admirer”

“You’re a great person for helping strangers like you do. - Your Secret Admirer”

Take some time to send a few of these kinds of notes.  Find interesting ways to deliver them. If you mail them, go to a post office in a different zip code than you. Put them under their car’s windshield wiper blade. Leave them at the reception desk at their workplace. Or have a stranger deliver the note.

A few of these simple notes will have the person thinking a lot about you and wondering who you are.

After a few of these notes, you can begin to give some clues to your identity such as:

“My heart lights up when you say Hi to me in the morning. - Your Secret Admirer”

“I love how you take the time to pick out just the right vegetables in the supermarket. - Your Secret Admirer”

These will give little clues that will keep them guessing and still interested!

A couple of things to consider while sending these notes. If at any time you see signs of them being uncomfortable, send a note apologizing for making them feel that way and ask if they would like to meet in person. It may be sooner than you wanted to reveal yourself, but it’s better stopping before the bad feelings get in the way of a potential match.

If you sense that they’re not receptive to your attention it might be time to call it off. Pushing yourself this way on someone who wants nothing to do with it is bad chemistry. Better to stop before things get ugly!

If all seems to be going well, then send some notes giving more info about yourself:

“When I’m running in the morning, I think about how much fun it would be to run with you. It makes me smile. - Your Secret Admirer”

“I like to cook and would love to make you dinner with ingredients from the little Italian shop you go to. - Your Secret Admirer”

By now, if they still seem interested, you have them hooked! You can now send a note or two asking if they would like to meet you. Consider this a blind date. Offer to meet at a neutral location in a public area like a coffee shop. You still don’t know each other so make the first meeting purely about that.

Confess to why you took the secret admirer route. They’ll be very flattered. And if the connection works between the two of you, you’ll have a great story to tell others about how you met!

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