- Category: Love and Relationship Readings
- Last Updated on November 27, 2015
- Written by admin
It is undoubtedly true that divorce might be one of the hardest period in our life. However, there are plenty of energizing tips and tricks you can do and get through this difficult time and move on.
You could be a stronger and happier person! Stay positive and check out the advices from experts.
I asked 14 experts a simple question:
"Can you tell us 5 advices how to deal with divorce?"
GentlemanJim58 - Profile
Marriage is a sacred institution and divorce is unthinkable in my society. Although the scenario is changing as the young generation is becoming individual and independent, the word divorce is still glared upon in South Asia. Thus dealing with divorce needs a lot of emotional stability and endurance on the part of both the spouses.
Friendship is the marriage of the soul, and this marriage is liable to divorce.
Everyone's divorce story is different. May be you had been married for decades, may be just a year or so. May be you have children, may be you don't. May be the divorce was your idea and may be it was your partner's, or may be you both agreed that separation was best. May be you're relieved, may be you're heartbroken or a bit of both.
But however, you got here, the question now is where do you go from here? And how do you figure out who you are and what you want as a newly single person? What is your new life going to look like, and how do you start moving in that direction. Once you do embark upon the separation or divorce process, it is very important to remember three key things:
Be kind, be reasonable, and be brief.
Remember that this person will no longer be your spouse, but he or she will continue to be your co-parent, family member, and perhaps business partner in certain assets or entities.
Here are few tips to deal in the Questioned Situation.
1. Let yourself mourn.
You may feel regret for what you did or didn't do, or wonder what you did wrong. Don't dwell on those feelings, but make room for them," Loss is loss. There is an empty space where something once filled it up, even if that something may not have been desirable.
2. Work through your feelings.
Don't carry that heavy baggage from your previous relationship into your new life. Find a way to work through the lasting emotions from the demise of your marriage.
3. Learn to like yourself.
That may sound cheesy and New Age. But the fact is that many people feel a lot of self-rejection after a divorce. You might think that there must be something wrong with you if you couldn't make this relationship work. You have to work on getting confidence and faith in yourself and ability to believe in your own worth.
4. Rediscover who you used to be.
Especially if you were married for a long time, you may have given up a lot of the things you enjoyed as a single person because they didn't fit with your "couple hood."
5. Discover a new side of yourself.
The life-changing period of divorce, though often difficult and unwelcome, holds a silver lining to shake things up and try on a new lifestyle. May be it's as simple as a pixie haircut after a lifetime of wearing long, flowing locks. May be it's trying a new sport, considering a different place of worship, or going back to college. May be you realize that you'd like to move to a new city or even spend a year living in London or Paris
6. Dare to be alone.
Being alone doesn't mean being isolated and never seeing anyone. It just means not being coupled up, or in a rush to do so.
7. Consider transitional relationships.
This isn't about rebounding. It's about considering dating (when you feel ready) outside your comfort zone, someone who's not your type - without thinking that it has to head toward a permanent relationship. For example, maybe you've always dated people from a certain socioeconomic background, or perhaps you always preferred sensitive person or the quiet, shy type. Turn your usual preferences inside out and stretch your dating horizons a bit.
Last, not the least, I would say, " Change the changeable. Accept the unchangeable. And remove yourself from the unacceptable"
Sensei - Profile
It’s always difficult when there is a divorce, and no matter which is the reason of the split or if you wanted or not, the whole thing can turn your world upside down and activate a huge range of painful and unsettling feelings. Moreover, our feelings are affecting our beliefs and they are triggering our action and so determining our future.
Before to start with my advice, it is important that we are aware of where we are. We need to accept to have different feelings, it is normal to feel sad, angry, exhausted, and anxious; awareness is the first step of healing, always.
Even Jesus on the Cross was afraid, it is human, but the most important thing is that fear, anxiety and so on, are not the bridge that can take you to the truth and put you in the right path of the right actions. That can be done just through love.
Our mission on Earth is to find a balance between Spirituality and Materiality. The bigger the distance between what we want (or what we fear) and what we experience, the bigger the struggling.
On a Spiritual level, it is important to get in touch with your Guardian Angel, to accept the Divine Timing You need to surrender your concern to God and Angels and Trust the Flow of Life. Thank your Angels and a little prayer like this can help you :
“Dear Angels and God I’m so grateful that you shine Your Light on my day, I surrender my day to you, thank you for protecting me and to illuminate my path with the knowledge and the wisdom that I need to overcome this period of my life and so it is”.
After saying this little prayer, just close your eyes and listen to your gut feeling, something will happen.
The duality between Spirituality and Materiality is like the duality between Dark Time and Light time. Are both “creature “ of God. Dark time is our laboratory, is the moment in when we put together what we are going to experience in Light Time, is the moment in which we create the bridge between Spirituality and Materiality.
The following are the key tools to create a solid bridge :
1. Do not resist your feelings.
What you resist it persist. It is important to acknowledge your feelings and it is important that you talk about what are you feeling, talking about it, will make you feel less alone. In addition, make a diary can be a helpful way for your feelings. Expressing your feelings, all of them will make you free and will remind you that not only you have a future but will let you understand if yours is a normal reaction or depression.
2. Spend time with people who cannot only support you but that can also energize you.
Compassion is good but is passive and you need to get “busy” spending time also in a active way.
3. Make sure that daily you can nurture yourself on your own, doing activities that will enhance your self-confidence.
The best even few minutes per hour is doing activities that you love. You need to “wake up” the Inner Child inside you. Do you remember when you were a kid and you were starting to learn how to walk what you did?
You tried thousands of times and each time was not a failure but 1 inches close to gold, close to the freedom. In order to “wake up” the Inner Child, read a book of when you were a kid, or during the day be curious about how things works, or explore and walk around your block without any intention, just see what is going on. This will help you to focus on the now moment. When you will be able to play again with yourself you will be able to share
4. When you wake up in the morning...
don’t start the day with technology but with love, don’t open the mobile searching for messages coming from him/her, or populate your mind with the usual question, be the queen or the king of your morning. Put on some good music, enjoy what you do, enjoy your meal, when you are in front of the mirror flirt with yourself; the morning is the perfect time to enhance your energy. Plan your day, check out what you want to accomplish that day.
5. Do not rush and begin immediately another relationship.
When a story end, we have a big need of love and we are tempted to recover this lack of love because we are afraid to be alone. This happens cause we want to find outside what it is missing inside us.
Do not start a new relationship because you want to find what you miss on your own. You will just lose yourself in another relationship. Make sure you dedicate enough “me time” to yourself and that you are aware of what exactly you want to experience in a relationship . You will not say anymore “I love you” cause you want to to hear back, but just because you feel.
I didn’t mention anything related to legal which you need to discuss deeply with your attorney and moreover I didn’t mention anything in connection with kids and the attention you need to give to avoid that a dysfunctional family can create addiction in your kids. The last one is a huge topic and can be discussed separately.
SpirtualMan - Profile
1. Accept Yourself
Do not try to shove away pain anger sadness and other emotions. Embrace them and learn to deal with them. you will have better control over your feelings when you learn self acceptance.
2. Don’t fight your feelings
It’s normal to have lots of ups and downs, and feel many conflicting emotions, including anger, resentment, sadness, relief, fear, and confusion. It’s important to identify and acknowledge these feelings. While these emotions will often be painful, trying to suppress or ignore them will only prolong the grieving process.
3. Remind yourself that you still have a future
When you commit to another person, you create many hopes and dreams. It’s hard to let these dreams go. As you grieve the loss of the future you once envisioned, be encouraged by the fact that new hopes and dreams will eventually replace your old ones.
4. Spend time with people who Positive and sincere with you .
As you consider who to reach out to, choose wisely. Surround yourself with people who are positive and who truly listen to you. It’s important that you feel free to be honest about what you’re going through, without worrying about being judged, criticized, or told what to do.
5. Make new friendships
If you feel like you have lost your social network along with the divorce or breakup, make an effort to meet new people. Join a networking group or special interest club, take a class, get involved in community activities, or volunteer at a school, place of worship, or other community organization.
Annel - Profile
1. Allow yourself to feel the loss of the marriage, and be aware that the friendship with surrounding people may take a toll and change
2. Let go of problems that are beyond your control. If you are faced with an uncomfortable or painful situation learn to let it go, take some time to figure out what is best for you
3. Talk to a therapist or councellor seek advice if needed to cope with such losses as its life changing and seeking a healer or psychic may also help in healing process
4. Stay close with family and friends to get support to avoid feeling lonely
5. Forgive and forget for whatever that has happen and believe that whats not meant to be will not be and whatever happen was beyond anyone controls as a divorce usually happen when both side fails.. accept and avoid blaming one another for the failure of the marriage.
Almightysoul - Profile
1. Seek professional Help:
Seeking professional help such as counselling and talking to a mental health professional will greatly ease the tension or depression that comes along with divorce.
2. Trust your self and looking forward to the future:
After a marriage ends, spouses should always try to focus on what will come up in the future rather than lament on the past.
3. Rely on friends and Family for help:
Family and friends (trusted ones) can always be very helpful to people going through a divorce.
4. Take a break:
A good time off from the regular schedules and a good vacation could be a good source of fresh energy and relaxation which may tend to ease the pains of divorce.
5. Relaxing the mind:
Exercise, meditation, sleep and good feeding might also help to relax the mind which allows the pain of divorce to disappear.
Inspirebymee - Profile
1. This awful journey starts from emotional breakdown like crying, screaming, cursing yourself, fighting with the God etc. Let this flood of emotions come out, go through with it and then eventually overcome from this breakup pain.
2. Now never let yourself feel, that its completely your fault because the guilt kills you from inside by thinking about past awful instances occurred between the couple. Therefore, first of all try to forgive yourself which would make you feel alive and beautiful again.
3. In this tough time, its very natural for you to expect support from dear ones to understand your pain but majority of people won't stand by you. Therefore, don't keep any expectation, consider it as your own KARMA, you face the situation, come back and forgive those people whom you expected.
4. Keep in touch with one person who can authenticate what you going through, who would help to come out of your shell & go out in nature, who would not judge you, who would allow you to be yourself & feel strong and also being there as a shoulder to cry on.
5. This stage can drastically change your spiritual path. You would feel more close to GOD and have strong believe on "what happens, happens for a reason" Spirituality would also show you the right directions and make you feel more blessed under the grace of God.
Upmanyu - Profile
1. Think honestly who is responsible for this situation? what was your mistakes and what was your partner's mistakes.
2. If have kids just think about their future also.
3. Do not make any decision in panic.
4. Think about future, may be after few years you realise it was a wrong decision.
5. If divorce is the only option, end relation with a positive note.
AAstridvoyance - Profile
1. Discuss honestly and sincere, about the end of the relationship (to meet in a neutral location)
2. Do not destroy what you built up and what you shared, be fair when you split property, custody of children, animals ...
3. Avoid all anger - this is a bad counselor and destructive.
4. Do not talk to third persons (witnesses), this matter concerns only the both separating parties
5. Accept the situation and stay calm
Do not say everything you think, but really think about what you said, the person who is separated is not your psychotherapist
PsychicWayne - Profile
1. If you have children and your divorce gets ugly, try not to berate your ex partner in front of them remember they love your ex partner as much as they do you and it's hurts them to hear nasty things.
2. Even though it may seem that your life is over when you are going through divorce. Know that a new beginning is here for you. It's always sad when a marriage breaks down but you will be happy again.
3. Where possible try to keep things amicable as you did love each other once. Although you are both hurting, it's wasting energy to trying to berate each other.
4. It's ok to grieve the divorce and talk about it with your nearest and dearest. To help you deal with stress and begin your new social life, join a gym, join local clubs get yourself out there again and meet some new friends. This can be done at any age
5. Come and have a psychic reading with me as I have been divorced and have come out the other end stronger and a better person for it.
Lovedrnikki - Profile
1. Put the Focus On You:
Take stock. Figure out where you are both emotionally and financially. It is about you! Find a song that makes you feel strong and listen to it repeatedly.
2. Forgive Yourself.
Forgive yourself for making a mistake so you can move forward. Even if your only mistake was choosing the wrong person to love, forgiving yourself will allow you to see a new future.
3. Look Forward.
Your future is ahead of you, not behind you. Allow yourself to heal by looking to the future. Start making plans for where you want to be, how you are going to move forward. This is where you start to see your choices.
4. Listen to Your Lawyer.
If you do not have one, get one. Then, listen to them. They are there to help you get through the divorce in the best way possible.
5. Develop a Support System:
You are going through a difficult time – accept that. Take time to ask friends for their help and then thank them afterwards. Friends and/or family are a great source of help and support during a divorce.
Truthful - Profile
Divorce brings with it many negative emotions. Some of these emotions can cause stress that will interfere in our ability to function in our every day lives. The biggest favor you can do yourself is to learn how to relax, let go of the stress and just let the "chips fall." Focus more on keeping yourself active, healthy and moving forward instead of staying stuck.
All it takes is being willing to be good to yourself. Recognizing and dealing with stress is an important aspect of living a healthy productive life. Below are some suggestions for ways of handling your stress during the difficult process of divorce.
1. Make sure you pay attention to your emotional needs. Find a support group to participate in, a therapist to talk with. A little talk therapycan go a long way when you are feeling overwhelmed emotionally.
2. Keep yourself physically fit. Stay as active as possible by keeping a regular exercise routine. Nothing helps our emotions bounce back better than physical activity. It will help in relieving tense, anger and anxiety.
3. Do things that will nurtue you emotionally and phsycially. Read a good book, get plenty of rest, take a hot bath, develop a new hobby, eat healthy and nutritious foods, and surround yourself with positive people. Put effort into living a lifestyle that will promote feelings of good self-worth.
4. Let go of problems that are beyond your control. If you are faced with an uncomfortable or painful situation learn to let it go, take some time to figure out what is best for you and then come back to it. Stay focused on what you have control over and let go of the rest.
5. Give yourself permission to feel. Emotions are normal, whether they are negative or positive emotions. What we do with the emotions we are feeling plays a big role in the quality of life we experience. Avoid destructive activities such as drinking or drugs when trying to deal with your feelings.
Don't allow your feelings to cause you to seek revenge, play the victim or become abusive toward your spouse. If you are hurt or angry, it is best to find someone safe to vent to and get those feelings out.
KellysVisions - Profile
Five ways to deal with divorce by Kelly Callaghan The subject of broken relationships make up about 90 percent of my work. After counselling thousands of individuals through breakups and divorces, I have learned a thing or two about how to best deal with the subject of divorce.
The advice I am giving here is applicable generally. Of course every situation is unique, but keeping in mind these five tips will ensure at least a peaceful transition into your "new normal" .
1. Give love. Now you may think I am crazy to suggest this, especially if you are in conflict with your ex. But remembering that both sides suffer in a divorce, no matter what the situation can help you to develop empathy for your ex partner.
Why is this useful? The most enlightened teachers throughout history have told us to love others. Not simply to be a nice person, but because in every single situation in life, you are either giving love or you are not.
And you will always get back what you give in life. When you are able to give love to someone who has hurt you this is magical for YOU because the love you give will come back and multiply in every other area of your life. Heath, money, career will all improve. Remember, giving love does NOT mean forgetting what has happened, but it does mean forgiving. Giving love, especially when it is difficult is the single most important action you will ever take in your life.
2. Let Go Divorces can be especially difficult when one party is not in agreement with the divorce. But remember, giving love means allowing others the right to make their decisions about what is best for them. Giving love does NOT include blaming, trying to control, feeling like a victim, or not respecting anothers wishes to move on. I know its hard to let go, but often, this means something greater is on the horizon. You just cant see it yet.
3. Respect. Respect is especially important when there are children involved. If communicating in person results in arguments and problems between you and your ex, communicate only via email. Keep everyitng in writing format and use a calm, polite, business tone when communicating.
4. No tit for tat. Does it really matter at this point who is right and who is wrong about little details? Remember, holding onto anger and frustration is like drinking poison and expecting your partenr to get sick. YOU end up suffering when you give in to negative feelings and holding onto anger and blame. Try to let go of the small stuff and focus on what will be important to you 10 years from now.
5. Remember your FAITH Practicing meditation by seinding love to your ex partner is a terrific way to east through a hurtful time. It will release you from the binds of anger and hate and allow you to move forward into something better. Meditation, chanting, self- care and relaxation are all ways to nurture yourself during this stressful time. Another releasing techinque is the ancient Hawaiian practice of reconciliation and forgiveness called Hoʻoponopono (ho-o-pono-pono). Many people find this method very healing.
Be good to yourself during this time. And remember, healing takes time. Sometiems the only way out of a problem is to go through it. YOU CAN DO THIS. Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Make it a good one!
Leelahel - Profile
Divorce is never easy, nor is it something we like to consider when we marry somebody. Sometimes, life throws us an obstacle to remind us that we are strong enough to sustain ourselves and also to remind us that we are complete.
I am pulling five cards for advice on how to handle divorce, with my own interpretation for you to consider.
Page of Cups.
From this I intuit that in dealing with a divorce, you are also learning to love yourself again and being enough for yourself. Patience with yourself is of utmost importance, in which you need to nurture your feelings and your soul. Heal.
Eight of Coins.
It takes work and time. There are so many things you will have to focus on and devote energy to in order to feel like your life is progressing. Take every task as one at a time and devote your attention to what you are handling. Chances are, you will be much more at ease seeing each obstacle being knocked out one at a time.
Give yourself some time to think and to be alone. You are seeing life as an individual again rather than life as a couple. Develop strength in your independence. Once you are strong enough, the path forward will once more make itself clear because you will be the one lighting it.
King of Pentacles.
Make sure your living situation and finances are al taken care of. It is your responsibility to yourself to be able to sustain yourself and any family you may also be accounting for. Have a strong head on your shoulders and set priorities first.
Ten of Wands.
Release all the extra weight imposed upon you that you don’t need and that you also do not benefit from. If it is not an aid to you, just let it go. Don’t drag along extra weight that only puts you down!
I hope these recommendations will help you clean the slate and become self-sufficient. After that is in the works, you can come to Oranum psychics and have us sort out the next step for you: Future romance, success in career, family, etc.
Naborara - Profile
It’s never easy when a marriage or significant relationship ends. Whatever the reason for the split—and whether you wanted it or not—the breakup of a relationship can turn your whole world upside down and trigger all sorts of painful and unsettling feelings. But there are plenty of things you can do to get through this difficult time and move on. You can even learn from the experience and grow into a stronger, wiser person.
1. Forgive the partner:
This is the hardest step of all, but the most important in truly moving on with your life.If your divorce is anything like the most divorces,both of you shared a part in th blame, and if you forgive your partner, you can probably forgive just about anyone.The sooner you can forgive your partner the sooner you can start working for better life.
2. Do some self reflection:
When you are in deep relationship,it can be easy to lose focus of who you are as an individual.That happens with ton of guys , but now that you are single again,think of it as perfect opportunity to really think about yourself.Reflect on the ways you have grown and the ways you still need to grow.This is an opportunity to take honest stock of yourself as person so that you can become better person.
3. Take on a new hobby:
There are probably a lot of negatives in your life right now, so its important to try to arm yourself with as many positives as possible. One of the best things you can do is to take new hobby.Learn an instrument, start upgrading your car, learn new language etc.The options are limitless, but the important thing is that you have something positive to distract yourself that will also turn into fantastic pursuit for years to come.
4. Reconnect with old friends:
A Lot of us tend to slowly drift away from past friends when we are in long term relationship, let aone marriage.Sometime it happen very slowly over the course of years.Now that you are single again,its great time to reflect again on friendships that you might have neglected and reach out.You can get mentally support from your friends.
5. Get a lawyer right away:
Coming off a hostile divorce, most men dont hesitate to get legal advice sooner rather than later. But even if you think the split between you and your partner was amicable, dont eschew legal counsel. Divorce tends to bring out the absolute worst in the people.Talk to lawyer, get the information you need and dont look back.
HUGE thanks to everyone who contributed to this mammoth post! Please share if you think it was useful!